Thursday, May 23, 2013

Addressing The David Sedaris Problem



I first discovered David Sedaris in the early 2000's, shortly after I graduated from college. At the time, I had subconsciously given up on books forever in response to my newfound freedom from school, parents and societal norms. After being forced to read an ever-increasing amount of material I had no interest in for the better part of my life, it came as no surprise that I practically gave up on literacy altogether. Besides, video games, movies and television were far more exciting to me. This was the staying-up-past-midnight or eating-cookies-for-dinner of my early 20's.

Around this time I was handed a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day, and was surprised to discover that I could not put it down. I was completely drawn in by Sedaris' brand of self-deprecating humor, a creative choice that mimicked my own, both in person and in writing. I devoured everything I could get my hands on, and with each new book I found myself even more impressed. I couldn't imagine how someone could draw so many interesting stories from their own life, let alone simply remember them. His name rocketed to the top of my list of favorite authors, mostly fantasy writers like Piers Anthony and J.R.R. Tolkien. And while reading his work, I found myself thinking: "I can see myself doing this someday."


When I finished reading Sedaris' latest essay collection Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls, it left me with a nagging thought that started with his previous collection, When You Are Engulfed In Flames. With some exceptions, I've found that his stories are just not nearly as engaging as they once were. It seems like an obvious statement - the man has six different collections of stories from his life - at some point that well's gotta be tapped, right? But I have a personal stake in this statement being wrong. Sedaris' style is something I've been mimicking in my own writing for years. I named him as my biggest influence when I recently applied to an MFA Writing Program. I don't want to believe that a person's life stops being interesting (or at the very least, bite-size story-worthy) enough to write about after a certain point. Especially if you've proven yourself to be a gifted writer who can mine humor and narrative out of the mundane (and, if I'm being honest, the not-so-mundane - the man himself is a little kooky). But if it's not that, then what is it?

I have a few theories on why some of his more recent stories fail to grab me as a reader, and hopefully I can learn something from them in the process as a writer.

1) The most important person in his life is boring, or is deliberately being portrayed as such

I was out to dinner at a vegan restaurant with my mother a few weeks ago. She's trying to mix up a lifetime of meat and dairy consumption after her recent visit to a healthy diet commune (she called it a fat farm). The deal was sealed after she watched a documentary thoroughly detailing life-changing benefits of a plant-based diet. I don't blame her. She's fifty seven years old, and on top of the heart disease and diabetes that run in our family, her older sister is dealing with a persistently spreading cancer. It's not a bad time to make the switch.

During the dinner (which was delicious by the way - veganism is easy if you can afford to eat at expensive vegan restaurants on a regular basis) the topic of my non-fiction writing came up, and with a knowing laugh she pleaded with me to not write anything bad about her. "I've been a good mother to you, right?" she asked. I told her that yes, she had been a very good mother to me, and quietly dodged the subject of what I would be writing about her someday down the line.

The above two paragraphs contain more detail than we've ever gotten about Hugh, the man David Sedaris has been dating and living with for well over a decade. Though he's now in the majority of the stories Sedaris tells from his life over the past ten years, I can recall exactly two details about the man: he is the handier/manlier of the two of them, and he apparently walks quite fast. That's it. There are small details mentioned here and there, but by and large the man is a blank slate, and their relationship could simply be loving and stable, or violent and destructive for all I know. By contrast, Sedaris' family members are all fascinating characters (especially his late mother), in whatever stage of his life they're portrayed in.

I suspect Hugh must have made it clear at some point that he doesn't want to get the same treatment that Sedaris gave his family. It's either that, or he is simply the least interesting person on the planet, and Sedaris finds himself unable to make a story-worthy character out of him in his work. Both scenarios are regrettable - in the first, Sedaris is making a compromise that hurts his career and the second, much less plausible scenario actually makes him a lazy, poor writer. Either way, every story he writes focuses squarely on himself, his family (again) or someone he spends a negligible amount of time with.

2) His success has led to an end of any genuine struggles

My initial draw to David Sedaris was in following the life of a vulnerable man desperately trying to figure out his place in the world. Lucky for him (at least, from a writer's perspective) that journey took much longer than usual. He spent years working menial jobs, moving all over the country and regularly getting high. When he finally starting telling the stories of his life, he had a treasure chest full of wonderfully specific details and colorful pre-Hugh characters: working as one of Santa's elves at Macy's, dealing with a homophobic neighbor and her child in a rundown apartment in the South, and getting into all sorts of trouble while hitchhiking his way across various U.S. cities.

Nowadays his stories are all told from a place of comfort. When he travels to new places for months or weeks at a time and tries to integrate himself into the culture or learn the language, it's clear the intended effect for the reader is 'stranger in a stranger land.' But there's never really anything at stake. Worse, it's just plain less funny because we're dealing with a successful man who is able to keep everyone around him at a distance (wherever he is) and is not making particularly interesting, or better yet, stupid choices. He's more or less living the life of a well-to-do writer who gets to buy whatever he wants and live wherever he wants for however long he wants.

Young David Sedaris was neurotic (he literally had nervous tics and rituals he went through), needy, and always seemed to take two steps back after taking one step forward. There's a hint of this in Sedaris' newer stories, but it's just not the same. Now - I'm not saying I need Sedaris to purposefully screw up or give up his fame and wealth (the man has suffered long enough), but he's definitely going to have to dig deeper into some untapped material if he wants to keep writing about his life. I can't say what that material is, but honestly, he needs to find it. His fiction is far worse than any of his personal essays to date. Speaking of which...

3) His judgments of others seems far less forgivable these days

Sedaris makes no efforts to hide his liberal political leaning, which on its own is fine. But the bias leads to some uncomfortable moments when he's describing or dealing with a person who is obviously not on the same page as him. The most egregious example of this is in the handful of fictional stories Sedaris mixes into his latest book of essays. They're all written from angry, one-dimensional nut-jobs who have always have a grudge against someone, and that someone is usually President Obama.

It's already a sign of a lack of material to include random pages of fiction in a non-fiction collection* (and as a reader, without any warning of the transition, you have to start each story off wondering where this new side of Sedaris came from until it clicks that it's not him anymore). I may side with him politically, but I'm not reading his work expecting a Michael Moore-esque commentary on the state of this country, especially as he doesn't actually live here anymore, and very much comes off as an outsider looking in.

On top of this, Sedaris' commentary on the people he comes across nowadays feels snarkier than it ever has before. I understand it on some level. Opinions on people - especially groups of people - are tricky. This is something I struggle with a bit myself in my own writing, because Matt Shafeek the character living in the story can and should have an opinion on the people in his life, but Matt Shafeek the author needs to make it clear that he is unbiased in his descriptions, otherwise you're a un-trustworthy, judgmental jerk-faced writer.

I think David Sedaris was better able to handle this contrast in his earlier works, but is less able to maintain (or just cares less about) the separation now. Whether it's laziness, cantankerousness, or just the fact that the man has a much higher status now, it's very distracting to me as a reader.

The take-home message

It's unfortunate that I'm not enjoying the work of my favorite author as much I once did. Hopefully David Sedaris turns all of this around in the future - perhaps after reading this blog post (I didn't opt for an open letter this time, but hey, it's still a public posting).

In the meantime, what can I learn from all of this as a writer? The way I see it, I just have to take a few simple precautions, and I should be okay: I have to be willing to talk openly about everyone in my life (don't worry mom!) without blatantly trashing or getting on my high horse about them (see mom?), and also I have to ensure that I never get famous or wealthy, so that my life struggles come to an end (sorry mom).

Sounds easy enough, right?

-Matt

*I understand he may have done this in one of his earliest works, the only book of his I haven't read yet. I'd be curious to see if the idea was better executed here.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

More Tragedies, More Times

Look guys - it's my first SERIES!
This is just a quick plug post to direct you guys over to my (now) monthly series Tragedy Plus Time on the awesome comedy nerd blog known as Splitsider. These pieces are always a huge effort to put together, but I really enjoying digging into the lives of so many different comedians and their respective pasts.

I plugged the earlier ones before, so I'll just give you the latest since then.

I recently wrote one about comedians who've dealt with divorce:

http://splitsider.com/2013/04/divorce-is-hilarious-sometimes/

And just today got my latest piece up about comedians dealing with war & terrorism:

http://splitsider.com/2013/05/fighting-or-at-least-responding-to-war-and-terrorism-with-comedy/

I also finally saw this movie.
Hope you enjoy 'em. Spread the word if you do!


-Matt

Monday, April 29, 2013

Flirtation Calibration

Worth it for the catchy rhyming title alone, yes?
Did you guys know I'm a bit of a pick up artist? Well, ok, that's not exactly true, but I have learned a thing or two over the years from various sources that have helped me tremendously within the world of dating, self-confidence and attraction. It's a fascinating realm and though I still have a long ways to go, I've felt experienced enough to share a little bit of what I learned:

http://www.gutsygeek.com/flirtation-calibration/

Gutsy Geek is a great resource for people like me who come from a lifetime of living through games and other media and find that matters involving the opposite sex are way more difficult and intimidating than we were led to believe. Check out the site if you're interested in the life of a gamer who faced his fears head on and turned it into mastery, something I always respect.

-Matt

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

An Open Letter To Just Burgers


Dear Just Burgers,

Hey buddy - Matt Shafeek here. I live right around the corner from you in Astoria. You know The Acropolis, that large building complex that you're attached to? Yeah, right in there. Pretty interesting name, right? I actually just found out the other day that the word 'Acropolis' is Greek for 'City on the Extremity.' Now, that may be appropriate, geographically speaking, but it's definitely much less cool than what I came up with in my head, which was: 'Home Base For Autobots.' I dunno, maybe that's just me.

Anywho, I'm writing you today because when I passed by your storefront recently, I noticed you were closed, and I saw this sign on your front door and I got a little worried:


It's no secret that you've been going through a lot of changes in the past year or so. When I first arrived in Astoria, your menu remained pretty true to your namesake. I mean, you pretty much offered just burgers. Sure, there were fries on the menu, and hot dogs, and shakes and so on. No one's going to give you any shit for that. But then one day I noticed you had added chili to the menu. That was kinda weird, but hey, if you've got some extra meat, why not throw it in a pot with some spices and offer your customers another delicious beef-alternative (and by that I mean, an alternative way to ingest the beef they crave), right? Works for me.

Cookies were next. Those are fine, I guess? I mean, if you've committed to eating a burger, you're pretty much giving up on the idea of a healthy diet at that point, so why not continue indulging, right? Sure, whatever, cookie it up like there's no tomorrow.

Finally, you added a "Healthy Wraps" section to the menu. What the fuck? Healthy Wraps? What were you thinking Just Burgers? I want you think about this for a second. Think about two people sitting in their apartment in Astoria, getting ready to go out and grab a bite. I want you to tell me how this sounds to you:

"Holy shit, brah, I'm starvin'."

"Me too, broseph. Say, wanna go to Just Burgers and grab a bite?"

"Mmm, I dunno, what do the have to eat there again? I forget."

"Well has-bro, I'm glad you asked. They actually have a wide variety of options on their menu, including, but not limited to, burgers. They just added a 'healthy wraps' option the other day."

"Ah, bil-bro baggins, that's great news! I was just thinking about how much I really wanted to go a burger joint and get something that would not stand out in any way taste-wise from any other corner deli or say, McDonald's."

"Totes Magotes. Which reminds me, how many times have we ordered healthy wraps and salads from McDonalds?"

"Oh man, that's a tough question brahnanana-nananana. Probably like a million times, right?"

"Yeah, bro, that sounds exactly right."

If that sounds at all realistic to you Just Burgers, I've got some sour news for you: it's not. I mean c'mon, "Totes Magotes?" These were highly fictional characters portraying a totally unrealistic scenario. If Lena Dunham had written this scene into an episode of Girls, she'd be lambasted by the AV Club's Todd VanDerWerff for 'lack of verisimilitude,' and also for 'seeming like she randomly inserted an unconnected scene containing two strange, never before seen characters that had nothing to do with anything.' Are you starting to get it?

Look, I understand. You're going through that awkward teenage restaurant phase right now. You were popular for a while until Bare Burger came into town, and wowed everyone with their 100% organic menu and multiple meat offerings (for the record, I thought their boar tasted kinda like shitty ham). You want to be everything to everyone. But you gotta be true to yourself brother. You're not Bare Burger. You never have been, and you never will be.

Yeah, I get it. You're jealous. This is the Joseph Gordon Levitt of your world.
I'm gonna share a little story with you. I'm a short guy. When I first realized that girls liked tall guys, I tried walking on stilts for a month. True story. And in the five seconds I was stable on them before I inevitably fell over, I would shout to any girl within an earshot: "LOVE ME, FOR I AM THE TALLEST  MAN!" And yet, for some reason they didn't love me. You know why? Because any attraction they briefly had for the towering figure before them was tainted by the stench of my desperation. And that's whats going on with you right now Just Burgers. These constant changes all seem pretty desperate. You're like Matt Shafeek on stilts times a hundred, plus one.

In conclusion Just Burgers, I hope that these renovations you're going through are leading to a reboot of sorts. I hope that when you reopen I'll see a menu stripped of all unnecessary offerings, and in it's place a return to the restaurant you know you've always been, with the delicious meat, cheese and bun combinations I once indulged in regularly, or at least whenever I was took lazy to walk all the way over to Bare Burger.

Remember that spicy Mexi-burger you had, with jack cheese and jalapenos? That was excellent! And that veggie burger...well, uh, let's just say if you decided to focus your menu even further, that maybe wouldn't be so bad.

So please, forget everything else you were trying to do and focus on just motherfucking burgers. Or else please, just change your blatantly misleading name. Here are some suggestions, free of charge:

'Burgers And Such' 
'Burgers & Other, Non-Burger Shit' 
'Burgers & NO WAIT, PLEASE, WE HAVE OTHER STUFF!'
'Just A Burrrr-geoning Restaurant of Yummy Goodness!'
'Burgers And Also Whatever Else Diners Have - Yeah I Guess We're Basically A Really Small Diner'
'[A PICTURE OF WIMPY FROM POPEYE SHRUGGING]'
'BEAR Burger (LOL, Rowrrr!!)*' 
'Just Whatever'
'Just Please Give Us Your Money'
'We Are The Post-Pinkerton Weezer Of Food'
'Here's A Blank Menu - Just Write Something On It And We'll Try Our Best To Make Whatever It Is! Oh Come On, 'Spaghetti And Dick Balls With Fart Sauce?' Seriously? Fine, Whatever, As Long As You Pay For It, And Also Leave Us A Positive Review On Yelp'

[*note you will have to order actual bear meat in order to not get sued. Also, Bare Burger might still sue you]

I look forward to your re-opening.

Sincerely,
Matt Shafeek
Astoria Resident, Burger Enthusiast


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Every Day I'm Out There Makin' MattTales (Oooh-Ooooh)

Just wanted to share a few fun things with you guys today, starting with this:


Pretty cool, huh? Technically I didn't actually have anything to do with the upcoming Improv Everywhere documentary, but I have been in a lot of Improv Everywhere missions throughout the years, and now my famous Carousal Horse Race Mission where I wore my favorite, brightest costume of all time is going to be seen by many more eyes wherever this movie is being promoted. I'm super flattered, thanks guys!

In other news, I've written two more posts in my new Splitsider series Tragedy Plus Time since sharing the first one last month. The second article is focused on gay comedians dealing with their homosexuality and coming out of the closet (less of a tragedy, in the traditional sense, but certainly something every gay person understands as a struggle) and the third one, which just came out today, is all about comedians dealing with addiction. Check 'em both out here:

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/when-comedians-come-out/

http://splitsider.com/2013/03/using-comedy-to-help-overcome-addiction/

Lastly, I wanted to announce today that I'm currently working on my second game! I've got nothing to show off just yet, as it's very much in the planning stages, but I can say it's a matchmaking game involves pairing off singles at a dating event. Should be a lot of fun. Look for playtesting requests soon!

-Matt

PS: Also, I watched DuckTales this weekend.

Friday, February 22, 2013

More Like PS-Snore, Amiright??

Look at me, jumping on the meme-wagon.
Have you guys heard? There's a new Playstation console coming out this year, and it's going to usher us (along with the new Xbox being announced later this year) into the next generation of video games. I should be totally excited right now, right? Me, the guy who had to force himself to stay away from video games for an entire year. You'd think, at this very moment, that I'd be frothing at the mouth at the mere prospect of a new gaming era...

...but I'm not. In reality, I'm actually surprisingly unenthusiastic about the whole thing.

Following the Wii-U's launch last year, this now makes two new system announcements in a row that have left me feeling vaguely uninterested in something that used to occupy my thoughts nonstop. I waited in line for over 10 hours in the freezing cold back in 2005 during the Xbox 360 launch. I did it again for a somewhat less crazy handful of hours for the original Wii. Granted, this was all before 'Paused.' Surely I must not be the same gamer now that I was back then, right?

Wrong. Sorry. But I promise that's the last time I'll pull the rug out from under you like that.

The only difference in my relationship with games between 2005 and now is that I don't have as much free time as I used to. Nowadays I buy very few games because I know after a certain point that I'm never going to get around to all of them. But when I get into a game, it still carries the same hold on me that it did back when I was a 5 year old kid who had to be pried away from his Atari 2600 before bedtime (I'm pretty sure that to this day my parents still regret getting me that system and starting my video game habit).

I still make time to play board games with friends almost every week. PAX East is a mere month away and I could not be more excited, even though I know I'm mostly going to hang out in the less crowded board game section the entire time. I have a whole system in place for the weekend. First I walk around to all the vendors and ask them what's new and what they've been playing. Then I check out any new games being demoed on the show floor. I dabble in everything I can, and then a short while later I walk out of PAX with the games I enjoyed playing the most while I was there.

It's an incredibly low-fi process, and yet I'm WAY more excited about doing that than I am about the Playstation 4, or Wii U. Why the hell is that? Honestly, I think it's because we're finally reached a point with our current video game technology that simply doesn't beg for the next generation. There's no obvious justification for a new console at this point. Sure, I'd love better graphics, a better processor,a bigger hard drive, and all that jazz, but until I see a game that promises me an experience I could not have on any of the consoles I already own, I don't any reason to swap out one of the old boxes under my television for a new one.

The thing is, it's definitely not going to be a big fat hard drive or jaw-dropping graphics that's going to wow me at this point. And I honestly don't really know what will. It's tough to say what I want out of a new console, but I do know that whatever it is, I haven't seen it yet. I crave new experiences, not bigger, louder ones.

I actually feel kind of sorry for the console manufacturers, who have the unenviable task of trying to convince gamers that we need a fancy new box to get these supposedly improved gaming experiences, when in reality, the only truly innovative gaming experiences of the past few years are coming from everywhere but the traditional console. Pretty much everything I played and loved last year was something I downloaded and played on my PC, my iPhone, or yes, my Xbox 360 or my PS3, but note that none of my favorite games were actually big budget major studio releases. In fact, they mostly all cost me $15 or less.

I know we haven't seen everything there is to see about the new systems. All the details for the PS4 aren't out yet, the Wii U is very early in it's life cycle, and we know nothing about the upcoming new Xbox (my favorite console of this previous generation) yet. A lot could change in the next year. But I really do hope that, in making this big push to salvage what apparently is a very dire situation in a changing consumer climate, the ones in charge realize it takes a lot more than sequels to your well known franchises and new buttons on your controllers to get people off (and then ultimately back on) their couches these days.

So come on guys. Get me on that freezing cold line at 11:00pm in the middle of November again. Metaphorically speaking of course - honestly, that experience was awful.

What I'm saying is: you did it before. Here's hoping you can do it again.

-Matt

PS: Actually, if the video game industry crashed tomorrow, I have a large enough back catalog to get me through the next few years, easy. Decades if I really go back and play everything I ever missed that was worthwhile. Ideally though, this crash would happen after Bioshock Infinite and The Last Of Us come out.

PPS: As un-inclined as I am to buy the Wii-U, I will say, I've had some real fun playing Nintendoland (specifically the Animal Crossing game) with a room full of friends.

Monday, February 11, 2013

To Do


I'm a List Guy. Also known as a Big Time Planner. More so than you can probably imagine. On top of a regularly updated and cleared out To Do list, which I know is fairly common, I also keep a list for every source of entertainment I'm invested in: To Watch (Movies & TV), To Read (Books & Comics), To Listen To (Music & Podcasts), and of course, To Play. Way back in 2008 when I first started this blog I showed off my original To Play list that helped comfort me through my year off from video games. I'm sure I'll always have a To Play list, simply because games are just the most time consuming form of media there is, and I'll probably never be able to get around to enjoying all of them. But oh, how a man can dream.

I also maintain a list of Places To Visit, of things 'To Write,' of karaoke songs I can't wait To Sing, and something I have taken to calling "Scatterbrained Ideas" (which hopefully will graduate at some point to the "To Write" list). One day I made a 'Double Dates' list, because I got excited by the prospect of going on them with every one of my coupled friends. Technically 'list' is a bit of a misnomer, since it was actually a spreadsheet with suggested activities and topics for discussion for every pairing. I don't mess around you guys.

While getting through an item on one of my lists always comes with that rewarding sense of accomplishment or enjoyment, I realize now that I also take pleasure in the creation of these many lists of ideas, events and consumables. Not necessarily for the sake of getting to everything (though I'll certainly try - I actually could probably make a pretty huge dent with just a few years of unemployment) but more as an ever-expanding collection of what I potentially have to look forward to. It's satisfying in a way I can't totally explain. I imagine it has something to do with the feeling (illusion?) of having control over my life, along with what I'll label as 'enjoyment of the hypothetical.' Or maybe I'm just subconsciously a believer in The Secret, and I think whatever goes on one of my lists I must be willing into existence. Though if that last part were true, my list of "Women I'm Sure Will Want To Have Sex With Me" would't have gotten me into nearly as many awful situations as it has.

Here's a crazy but totally real example of what I'm talking about: as much as I love occasionally impulse shopping on Amazon, I can pretty much get that same giddy feeling by adding whatever I'm interested in to my Amazon Wish List, without any of the guilt and zero expense. Knowing that I can have that thing someday (if I ever really want it) totally scratches that "I want something new!" itch. And while planning something like a trip to Hawaii may not seem to be as exciting as actually going on the trip itself, fantasizing for months in advance about recreating all six seasons of Lost with my friends while I would be out there (something I sadly never got around to) is very much its own separate, worthwhile pleasure.

This whole blog post has been an extremely long winded way of saying this: the best laid plans of mice and men may oft go astray, but Matt Shafeek's many many plans are gonna work out pretty well for him one way or another.

I hope you've enjoyed what this semi-cocky little stream of consciousness. Hey, I got years of self-deprecation under my belt, so I figured I could get away with this. One final thought - I've heard it said that apparently 'life is what happens while you're making other plans.' Well, guess what? I'm pretty much always making other plans, so I guess it's safe to say I'm living the fuck outta life right now, one additional list item at a time.

Booyah!

-Matt